Attaining Personal Fulfillment

“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).

Today we hear much about attaining personal fulfillment. What does “personal fulfillment” mean? Is being fulfilled synonymous with being happy or complete? You might picture a fulfilled person as always on the mountaintop in response to life’s experiences. However, even when someone has reached the highest level of attainment, that person may have inward battles and struggles. As Christians, we need to guard against hypocrisy.

In order to clear misunderstandings, a truly fulfilled person is NOT

• always smiling or laughing;
• always optimistic (sometimes pessimism is present; electrical currents need a negative and a positive combination to work);
• always brave and courageous (it is beneficial to admit weakness or a wrong decision; an honest confession is good for the soul);
• always free from doubt, fear, tears, or sorrow (Elijah and Peter experienced sorrow and fear; so do God’s servants).

If fulfillment does not consist of things listed above, then what constitutes being a fulfilled person? Though trials may hound our footsteps as believers, fulfillment is available. And when we are fulfilled, we evidence the following three characteristics: identification, acceptance, and involvement.

Identification: The need to belong

As believers, we belong to Christ. Jesus referred to Christians as His sheep. “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me” (John 10:27). Nahum 1:7 assures us, “The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” People join movements, clubs, and organizations to meet this need of belonging. The believer has a special affiliation, a Biblical identification (Eph. 3:14, 15). Our identification with God and fellow believers is an uplifting relationship that brings fulfillment.

Acceptance: The need to be loved

The individual desires to love and to be loved. God loves us with eternal love (Rom. 5:8). The believer is accepted in the Beloved.

Involvement: The need to do something, to occupy, to keep busy, to work

God put Adam to work before the fall (Gen. 2:15). Using the parable of minas, Christ challenged believers to be busy in His work: “And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Do business till I come” (Luke 19:13).

True fulfillment grows out of becoming a new creation in Christ by trusting Christ as Savior (2 Cor. 5:17). As believers, we are to “yield [ourselves] unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and [our] members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Rom. 6:13, KJV). Our salvation prompts us to do good works (Eph. 2:10), to let our lights shine (Matt. 5:16), and to show forth His praises (1 Pet. 2:9,10) Ultimately, our fulfillment will come at God’s right hand (Ps. 16:11), when we are clothed in the garment of immortality (1 Cor. 15:54).

Until we reach ultimate fulfillment in eternity, we can claim and act upon this promise of God: “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

OUR FATHER LOVES AND UNDERSTANDS US

I suppose some people emphasize the divine justice and wrath in an attempt to "scare" others into being good and serving God. Yet the Most High does not want us to serve out of fear, but out of love. Whoever knows and lives in God's love will have a holy desire, produced by Grace, to completely dedicate oneself to Our Lord. Our Heavenly Father desires such service from His children. Jesus obeyed the Father's will out of Love for Him (John 14:31), and love is our Maker's attitude towards us. God blesses us so richly out of love and desires a free return of that love from us. This is the meaning of a "love relationship" with the Creator; doing things out of love, not fear of punishment.

GOD IS LOVE

God does not just possess love; He is Divine Love - "Charity" - by very nature (I John 4:8). This, by the way, is why there are Three Persons in the Godhead. Charity is selfless, benevolent, directed toward others; thus it "needs" a beloved, an object of love. Since God is the only Being Who exists eternally, this eternal Beloved would have to be God as well. God could not be Eternal Love unless He was loving someone eternally, thus that someone would be one with Himself.

So for all eternity there is, in the Godhead, a Giver of Love (the Father) and a Receiver of Love (the Son), Whom Scripture calls the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6). That's Two Divine Persons, but what about the Third? The Third Person is the Love Itself, which eternally flows between Giver and Beloved. This Love is essentially Divine, one in nature with the Giver and Beloved, and it is so real and powerful that it is a Third Person: The Holy Spirit. Thus the Triune Godhead is a manifestation of God's living, personal Love.

This infinite Triune Godhead is perfectly self-sufficient. The Eternal Son is equal to the Eternal Father, and so is a most fitting recipient of the Father's Eternal Love. The Spirit of Love is also equal to the Father and Son, and co-eternal with them. Yet God chose to "reach outside" this Eternal Community of Love by creating things other than Himself. He created everything lovingly, fashioning and gently sustaining each creature, enveloping all in His love while remaining essentially distinct from each. The Creator's loving Presence has permeated the cosmos from the very beginning; God is like a living, personal ocean of Love in which all creation is immersed.

The Blessed Trinity reigns over all creatures with great love and tender concern, delighting infinitely in their essential goodness, which is a created reflection of the Divine Goodness. Though essentially distinct from God, creation is a source of His infinite delight and pleasure.

The Inception of Evil

The Church tells us that evil began, not with humanity, but among some of the angels. God, of course, created the angels good, and gave them the ability to freely choose to return His Love and serve Him out of pure love. This also meant they could potentially choose to reject His Love and not serve Him. God did not want them to do that, but He also did not want them to serve them out of compulsion. As He freely chose to create and love them, so He desired them to freely choose to love Him.

Tragically, some of them chose to rebel against the God of perfect Love and Holiness. This act was a "negation" of God; it went contrary to Goodness and so introduced a "not-good" element into the cosmos. This "not-good" is sin, evil, selfishness - the opposite of God's moral nature, which is selfless, humble Love.

The Almighty never stopped being Love, for God cannot change (Malachi 3:10). Yet since evil is contrary to Divine Goodness, God opposed it, knowing it's potential destructiveness to the good creation. Being Sovereign and Love, Our Lord had to take punitive measures against evil. This divine act toward something which threatens creation is called "judgment". It is not a change in God's nature but a "reaction" (so to speak) to something harmful and contrary to the good creation.

The Fall of Humankind

The Creator fashioned the earth, populated it with animal and plant life and then formed human beings - our first parents - according to the divine image and likeness. Like God, they were essentially good, created for fellowship with the Most High. Thus they received the same free will which the angels enjoyed, to that they could choose to return God's love for them.

Yet the Adversary tempted them to disobey God. They listened and so sin entered the human and material creation. This severed their communion with the One Who had blessed them so richly out of an abundance of love. God still loved them after they sinned, but He also foresaw all the pain it would cause them and all their descendents, and hated that sin.

Divine Love and "Hatred"

You see, love and hate are not exactly opposites, they are related. The opposite of both of them is indifference - the lack of emotion or concern. God is Love, so God cannot be indifferent toward anything or anyone. God's concern for us is as infinite as His knowledge of us; even the hairs on our head are numbered (Matthew 10:30). Yet since hatred is not per se opposed to love, divine Love does not exclude all hatred, as we shall see.

One could define hatred as "love's reaction to that which hurts the beloved". Think of someone you love a lot. Now imagine someone else attacking and hurting that loved one (God forbid!). That thought would most likely get you angry. You do not want to see your beloved hurt, so you feel anger - perhaps evenhatred, toward the hypothetical attacker. This is what I mean when I say that hatred is the reaction of love to something (or someone) hurting the beloved.

Since God loves us infinitely, and evil hurts us, God hates evil infinitely. God does not hate us, however; even if we are the ones actually committing the evil. We are essentially God's "very good" creation, yet we bear the wounds of original sin within us. So God loves us as His creatures but hates our sin which He did not create. (That is why Divine Love "separates the deed from the doer", as they say.)

What an awesome truth: God hates our sin because He loves us! And our Maker never stops loving us. Even if we break His Sacred Heart a thousand times, Jesus will still love us the same as He did before we ever sinned - infinitely!

GOD UNDERSTANDS

The God of Scripture is much more loving and understanding toward our weaknesses than we sometimes give Him credit. Psalm 103:13-14 tells us that "As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust". God understands our human frailty completely and so pities us like a loving father toward his children.

When a child falls while learning how to walk for the first time, a good parent would not stand over the toddler and scream, "You stupid child! I expected more out of you than that. You should be doing cartwheels by now and you can't even walk!". No, the parent knows the child's weakness, and so has no such delusions about her abilities. So a good parent will simply pick the child up and try again. And so it is with our Heavenly Father, Who perfectly understands our weaknesses and wants to help us overcome them.

How does the Most High understand our feelings and weaknesses? He understands because He created us. An inventor has a pretty good idea of how his or her invention works, having put it together. In a more profound manner, the Creator has total knowledge of all the inner workings of every human being. As King David, wrote, "You have formed my inward parts; you have covered me in my mother's womb...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth" (Psalm 139:13-15)

God understands because of the Divine Omniscience. Our Lord simply knows everything about everything. Thus He knows all our feelings, our personal limitations, and every other detail of our lives. This ties in with the first reason - God knows all for He created all.

God is immanent to us all, closer to us than we are to ourselves. "In Him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28). Our Maker is intimately aquainted with everything within us (Psalm 139:1) and lovingly sympathizes with our sufferings and weaknesses.

Finally, God chose to experience our humanity firsthand through the Incarnation. Jesus is 100% human, like us in all things except sin. However, though He never committed a sin, he was not exempt from temptation:

Therefore, He had to be made like His brethern in all things, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiantion for the sins of the people...We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weakness, but one who had been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin....For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted - Hebrews 2:17; 4:15; 2:18

Christ our God has experienced human feelings, limitations, and even temptations firsthand. He knows what it's like to be human, and to be tempted. The Eternal Wisdom has completely identified with us through the Incarnation, and so can sympathize with our weaknesses.

Since the entire Trinity thinks and acts as one, all Three Persons love and understand us.

Does God REALLY Understand People?

These are David's inspired words in Psalm 103:14.

God realizes there is nothing immortal or eternally powerful about man. He is a mere creation of dust! Man is frail, transient in existence and inconsistent in conduct. The Creator understands this! He does not demand more then we can give. In fact, God has not dealt with us according to our sins or given us what we really deserve (verse 10) —or we would all have long ago ceased living!

All human beings have sinned, and the wages of sin is death! (Rom. 3:23; 6:23.) God has endured human hypocrisy, lying and just plain disobedience for centuries and millennia and could justifiably have obliterated all humanity long ago. But He hasn't! "But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned he his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath. For he remembered that
THEY WERE BUT FLESH . . ." (Psalm 78:38-39). God is totally fair and just in His dealings with mankind. Those who suggest otherwise simply do not know God!

It is not the Creator who is unjust. It is man who is inequitable! Any who point the accusing finger at God have several more pointing back at themselves ! Notice the inspired words of the Prophet Ezekiel! "...You say: The Lord isn't being fair! Listen to Me ... Am I the One who is unfair, or is it you?" (Ezek. 18:25, Living Psalms version.)

Human Rights

God's understanding is vast and unsearchable (Isaiah 40:28). He deals with mankind only with the greatest compassion and restraint. Every human life is important in God's estimation, and it is not His will that any should ultimately perish! (Matt. 10:29-31; II Peter 3:9.) The Eternal God is daily working out a great purpose here below.

Whatever God allows us to experience in this life will work for Our good in the final analysis, even though it may be difficult to comprehend this now! (Rom. 8:28.) Once God has begun a purpose in an individual human life, we can be sure He will see it through to completion — even if it takes until the return of Christ to do so! (Philippians 1:6.) We can be confident of this!

Once God has begun to work with you, He will not allow you to be tested beyond your capacity! He will only allow you to undergo those trials and tests you could pass if you really wanted to! "There hath no temptation [to put to proof by experience or adversity] taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer [allow] you to be tempted [tested] above that ye are able .. ." (I Cor. 10:13).

Power to Spare

All the great men and women of the Bible underwent severe and intense periods of testing! Abraham was even asked to sacrifice his only son when he was over 100 years old! But he was not required to go through such a severe and emotionally turbulent test until he was fully ready for it! And he was ready! He passed the test with flying colors! Read about it for yourself in Genesis 22!

Even though, humanly, we may feel totally inadequate to be tested in an intense way, we must realize that God can also provide us with the necessary strength to go through with it! But we must actively seek such power by fervent, prevailing prayer! If we do so, earnestly and expectantly, we will receive additional strength and power. Notice God's promise in Isaiah 40:29, 31 {Living Psalms) : "He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak. . . . They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." That is
a promise of God! Will you claim it?

It ought to be evident then, that God is eminently fair and understanding in His dealings with mankind! He understands human frailty and weakness. He only allows us to be tested within the limits of our capacity. And if we are lacking in the strength to undergo periods of trial or testing, God is willing to provide us with the necessary power to handle it! There could be no greater justice and equity!

But how is God able to be so understanding? How is He able to comprehend the depth of human frailty and feebleness in the face of trials, tests and the ravages of evil human nature ? How does He know what it is like to be human, with all the limitations that imposes ?

Personal Experience

God is a family of spirit beings. God the Father and God the Son and The Holy Spirit which is the power, the life, and the mind of God. The family name is "God." Members of the God Family jointly planned the creation of the human race. The Father was the overall Director. But the One who later became known as Jesus Christ executed the actual creation of the material universe and man. He was then called the "Word of God," meaning the Spokesman of the Divine Family (John 1:1-3; Genesis 15:1; Ephesians 3:9). He was the "Rock" that led and followed the children of Israel in the wilderness (I Cor. 10:4).

This One actually worked personally with all the great men of the Old Testament whom God was training for positions of leadership in tomorrow's world! He actually walked and talked with men like Adam and Enoch (Gen. 3:8; 5:22). He dealt personally with Abraham, who was known as the "friend of God" (Gen. 17:1; James 2:23). Abraham is destined to become the heir of the whole world under Jesus Christ! (Rom. 4:13.) Notice how close God was to Moses: "And the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. . ." (Ex. 33:11). God appeared to Joshua and was with him in the same way He had been with Joshua's predecessor, Moses (Joshua 1:5,15-18). The Spokesman spoke to Job and taught him about the Creation and the workings of the universe under His direction (Job 38 and 39). Jacob actually wrestled and mingled his perspiration with the One who later became the Messiah! (Gen. 32:24-30.)

Countless others were known personally by Jesus. He observed them, taught them, fought for them, worked miracles for them, forgave and comforted them over a period of almost four thousand years!

This puzzled people of Jesus' day just as it does today. One day the Pharisees were attacking Him and He remarked, "Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad." By the retort the Jews came back with it is easy to tell Jesus was talking about personal acquaintance with Abraham: "Then said the Jews unto him, Thou art not yet fifty years old, and hast thou seen Abraham?" Jesus put the record straight once and for all with a classic statement full of the ring of eternal authority: "I say unto you, before Abraham was, I am!" (Above quotes from John 8:56-58.)

And as far as compassion, and its expression for every generation, nothing can beat Jesus' poignant statement so full of personal concern: "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!" (Matt. 23:37.)

The One who became Jesus Christ of the New Testament watched many great civilizations come and go. He set up kings and put them down. He answered the prayers of the faithful and punished the wicked. The teeming hordes of humanity passed before His eyes as He inspired His prophets to predict the course of human events.

"For God So Loved the World"

That same member of the Divine Family who had worked with so many of the patriarchs of old and led the children of Israel for forty years actually became human! For a period of thirty-three and one-half years He actually walked this earth in human form. Yet He was very God in the flesh! (Psalm 45:6-7; Phil. 2:6; Titus 2:10, 13.) During His human lifetime He successfully resisted the tempting of Satan the devil (Matt. 4:1-11). Jesus was tempted in all the points we can be tempted in today, yet He never once yielded to the pulls of the flesh! ". . . Jesus the Son of God . . . was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin" (Heb. 4:14, 15). He does understand what it is like to be tempted by an angry devil and to resist all the pulls of human nature and the pressures of a sin-filled world! He has experienced all those things! Christ even knows what it is like to be sick, although He never broke the physical laws that normally cause human sickness. Instead He bore in His own body all our sicknesses and infirmities. He was beaten, whipped and punched into a bloody pulp before His cruel crucifixion! He was a chiropractor's nightmare, having many major bones disjointed! The flesh was literally torn from His bones so that they were visible to the eye! His face was marred beyond recognition. (Read it for yourself in Isaiah 53:3-5,7; Psalm 22:1,14,17; Matthew 26:67; 27:30-31 and Isaiah 52:14.)

Make no mistake about it! When Jesus walked the dusty streets of Palestine almost 2000 years ago, He experienced a real taste of what it is like to be human ! And Jesus IS God!

Today Jesus Christ sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven. He acts as the one and only mediator between God and man. He functions in the office of high priest — an understanding AND A COMPASSIONATE HIGH priest ! "... We have a great high priest. . . Jesus the Son of God . .. ours is no high priest who cannot have sympathy with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every respect like ourselves . .." (Heb. 4:14-15, Moffatt translation).
God understands human frailty and weakness all right! It was Jesus Himself who said, ". . . The flesh is weak" ! (Matt. 26:41.) He does not expect us to do more than we are able. Whatever God asks of us is within the realm of possibility. God will provide the help we need to endure rigorous trials and testing of this human existence.

God is all for us! He wants each individual He calls to succeed! Those that overcome their human pulls and the influence of an evil, selfish society and the temptings of Satan the devil will be granted positions of rulership in tomorrow's world! (Rev. 2:26; 3:21.)

God has provided man with a great goal and the means to achieve it! In spite of fleshly feebleness and human frailty it is possible to attain the Kingdom of God! What shall we say to these things? "If God be for us [and He is!], who can be against us?" (Rom. 8:31.)

Don't be too proud to ask for the help God will give you — if you ask Him. "God is always against the proud, but he is always ready to give grace to the humble. So, humble yourselves under God's strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern"! (I Peter 5:5-7, J. B. Phillips translation.)

God understands you — loves you — wants you to become a member of His Family!

Christ Will Not Break the Bruised Reed 1

God's children are bruised reeds before their conversion and oftentimes after. Before conversion all (except such as, being brought up in the church, God has delighted to show himself gracious to from their childhood) are bruised reeds, yet in different degrees, as God sees fit. And as there are differences with regard to temperament, gifts and manner of life, so there are in God's intention to use men in the time to come; for usually he empties such of themselves before he will use them in any great services.

The bruised reed is a man that for the most part is in some misery, and come to an end when he is bruised and broken. He is sensible of sin and misery, even unto bruising; and, seeing no help in himself, is carried with restless desire to have supply from another, with some hope, which a little raises him out of himself to Christ. This spark of hope being opposed by doubtings and fears rising from corruption makes him as smoking flax; so that both these together, a bruised reed and smoking flax, make up the state of a poor distressed man. This is such an one as our Saviour Christ terms `poor in spirit' (Matt. 5:3).

It's this bruising that makes us set a high price upon Christ. Then the gospel becomes the gospel indeed; then the fig leaves of morality will do us no good. And it makes us more thankful, and, from thankfulness, more fruitful in our lives; for what makes many so cold and barren, but that bruising for sin never endeared God's grace to them?

Such bruising may help weaker Christians not to be too much discouraged, when they see stronger ones shaken and bruised. Thus Peter was bruised when he wept bitterly (Matt. 26:75). This reed, till he met with this bruise, had more wind in him than pith when he said, `Though all forsake thee, I will not' (Matt. 26:33). The people of God cannot be without these examples. The heroic deeds of those great worthies do not comfort the church so much as their falls and bruises do. Thus David was bruised until his sorrows did rise in his own feeling unto the exquisite pain of breaking of bones (Psa. 51:8). Thus the chosen vessel Paul needed the messenger of Satan to buffet him lest he should be lifted up above measure (2 Cor. 12:7).
Hence we learn that we must not pass too harsh judgment upon ourselves or others when God exercises us with bruising upon bruising. There must be a conformity to our head, Christ, who `was bruised for us' (Isa. 53:5) that we may know how much we are bound unto him.

In pursuing his calling, Christ will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax, in which more is meant than spoken, for he will not only not break nor quench, but he will cherish those with whom he so deals.

Physicians, though they put their patients to much pain, will not destroy nature, but raise it up by degrees. Surgeons will lance and cut, but not dismember. A mother who has a sick and self willed child will not therefore cast it away. And shall there be more mercy in the stream than in the spring? Shall we think there is more mercy in ourselves than in God, who plants the affection of mercy in us?

But for further declaration of Christ's mercy to all bruised reeds, consider the comfortable relationships he has taken upon himself of husband, shepherd and brother, which he will discharge to the utmost. Shall others by his grace fulfill what he calls them unto, and not he who, out of his love, has taken upon him these relationships, so thoroughly founded upon his Father's assignment, and his own voluntary undertaking? Consider the names he has borrowed from the mildest creatures, such as lamb and hen, to show his tender care. Consider his very name Jesus, a Saviour, given him by God himself. At his baptism the Holy Ghost rested on him in the shape of a dove, to show that he should be a dove like, gentle Mediator.

Jesus as a prophet, he came with blessing in his mouth, `Blessed are the poor in spirit' (Matt. 5:3), and invited those to come to him whose hearts suggested most exceptions against themselves, `Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden' (Matt. 11:28). How did his heart yearn when he saw the people `as sheep having no shepherd' (Matt. 9:36)! He never turned any back again that came to him, though some went away of themselves. He came to die as a priest for his enemies. In the days of his flesh he gave a form of prayer unto his disciples, and put petitions unto God into their mouths, and his Spirit to intercede in their hearts. He shed tears for those that shed his blood, and now he makes intercession in heaven for weak Christians, standing between them and God's anger. He is a meek king; he will admit mourners into his presence, a king of poor and afflicted persons. As he has beams of majesty, so he has a heart of mercy and compassion. He is the prince of peace (Isa. 9:6). Why was he tempted, but that he might `succor them that are tempted' (Heb. 2:18)? What mercy may we not expect from so gracious a Mediator who took our nature upon him that he might be gracious? He is a physician good at all diseases, especially at the binding up of a broken heart. He died that he might heal our souls with a plaster of his own blood, and by that death save us, which we were the procurers of ourselves, by our own sins. And has he not the same heart in heaven? 'Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?' cried the Head in heaven, when the foot on earth was trodden on (Acts 9:4). His advancement has not made him forget his own flesh. Though it has freed him from passion, yet not from compassion towards us.

What should we learn from this, but to `come boldly to the throne of grace' (Heb. 4:16) in all our grievances? Shall our sins discourage us, when he appears there only for sinners? Are you bruised? Be of good comfort, he calls you. Conceal not your wounds, open all before him and take not Satan's counsel. Go to Christ, although trembling, as the poor woman who said, `If I may but touch his garment' (Matt. 9:21). We shall be healed and have a gracious answer. Go boldly to God in our flesh; he is flesh of our flesh, and bone of our bone for this reason, that we might go boldly to him. Never fear to go to God, since we have such a Mediator with him, who is not only our friend but our brother and husband. Well might the angel proclaim from heaven, `Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy' (Luke 2:10). Well might the apostle stir us up to `rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice' (Phil. 4:4). Paul was well advised upon what grounds he did it. Peace and joy are two main fruits of Christ's kingdom. Let the world be as it will, if we cannot rejoice in the world, yet we may rejoice in the Lord. His presence makes any condition comfortable. `Be not afraid,' says he to his disciples, when they were afraid, as if they had seen a ghost, `It is I' (Matt. 14:27), as if there were no cause of fear where he was present. If Christ be so merciful as not to break me, I will not break myself by despair, nor yield myself over to the roaring lion, Satan, to break me in pieces. As a mother is tenderest to the most diseased and weakest child, so does Christ most mercifully incline to the weakest. Likewise he puts an instinct into the weakest things to rely upon something stronger than themselves for support. The vine stays itself upon the elm, and the weakest creatures often have the strongest shelters. The consciousness of the church's weakness makes her willing to lean on her beloved, and to hide herself under his wing.

In God the fatherless find mercy (Hos. 14:3); if men were more fatherless, they should feel more God's fatherly affection from heaven, for the God who dwells in the highest heavens dwells likewise in the lowest soul (Isa. 57:15). Christ's sheep are weak sheep, and lacking in something or other; he therefore applies himself to the necessities of every sheep. He seeks that which was lost, and brings again that which was driven out of the way, and binds up that which was broken, and strengthens the weak (Ezek. 34:16). His tenderest care is over the weakest. The lambs he carries in his bosom (Isa. 40:11). He says to Peter, `Feed my lambs' (John 21:15). He was most familiar and open to troubled souls. How careful he was that Peter and the rest of the apostles should not be too much dejected after his resurrection! `Go your way, tell his disciples and Peter' (Mark 16:7). Christ knew that guilt of their unkindness in leaving of him had dejected their spirits. How gently did he endure the unbelief of Thomas and stooped so far unto his weakness, as to suffer him to thrust his hand into his side.

`O wretched man that I am!', says Paul, with a sense of his corruption. Yet he breaks out into thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord (Rom. 7:24).

The reason for this mixture is that we carry about us a double principle, grace and nature. The end of it is especially to preserve us from those two dangerous rocks which our natures are prone to dash upon, selfishness and pride, and to force us to pitch our rest on justification, not sanctification, which, besides imperfection, has some stains.

From this mixture arises the fact that the people of God have so different judgments of themselves, looking sometimes at the work of grace, sometimes at the remainder of corruption, and when they look upon that, then they think they have no grace. Though they love Christ in his ordinances and children, yet they dare not claim so near acquaintance as to be his. Even as a candle in the socket sometimes shows its light, and sometimes the show of light is lost; so sometimes they are well persuaded of themselves, sometimes at a loss.

Christ will not quench the smoking flax. This is so for two principal reasons. First, because this spark is from heaven: it is his own, it is kindled by his own Spirit. And secondly, it tends to the glory of his powerful grace in his children that he preserves light in the midst of darkness, a spark in the midst of the swelling waters of corruption.

There is an especial blessing in that little spark. `As the new wine is found in the cluster, and one saith, Destroy it not; for a blessing is in it: so will I do for my servants' sakes' (Isa. 65:8). We see how our Saviour Christ bore with Thomas in his doubting (John 20:27), and with the two disciples that went to Emmaus, who wavered as to whether he came to redeem Israel or not (Luke 24:21). He quenched not that little light in Peter, which was smothered: Peter denied him, but he denied not Peter (Luke 22:61). The woman that was diseased with an issue did but touch, with a trembling hand, and but the hem of his garment, and yet she went away both healed and comforted. In the seven churches (Rev. 2 and 3), we see that Christ acknowledges and cherishes anything that was good in them. Because the disciples slept due to infirmity, being oppressed with grief, our Saviour Christ frames a comfortable excuse for them, `The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak' (Matt. 26:41).

If Christ should not be merciful, he would miss of his own ends: `There is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared' (Psa. 130:4). Now all are welcome to come under that banner of love which he spreads over his own: `Unto thee shall all flesh come' (Psa. 65:2). He uses moderation and care, `lest the spirit should fail before him, and the souls which he hath made' (Isa. 57:16). Christ's heart yearned, the text says, when he saw the people without meat, `lest they faint in the way' (Matt. 15:32); much more will he have regard for the preventing of our spiritual faintings.

Here see the opposite dispositions in the holy nature of Christ and the impure nature of man. Man for a little smoke will quench the light. Christ, we see, ever cherishes even the least beginnings. How he bore with the many imperfections of his poor disciples! If he did sharply check them, it was in love, and that they might shine the brighter. Can we have a better pattern to follow than this from him by whom we hope to be saved? `We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak' (Rom. 15:1). `I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some' (1 Cor. 9:22). Oh, that this gaining and winning disposition were more in many! Many, so far as in us lies, are lost for want of encouragement. See how that faithful fisher of men, the Apostle Paul, labors to catch his judge: `I know that thou believest the prophets' (Acts 26:27), and then wishes him all saving good, but not bonds. He might have added them too, but he would not discourage one that responded. He would therefore wish Agrippa only that which was good in religion. How careful was our blessed Saviour of little ones, that they might not be offended! How he defends his disciples from malicious imputations of the Pharisees! How careful not to put new wine into old vessels (Matt. 9:17), not to alienate new beginners with the austerities of religion (as some do indiscreetly).

It is not the best way, to assail young beginners with minor matters, but to show them a more excellent way and train them in fundamental points. Then other things will not gain credence with them. It is not amiss to conceal their defects, to excuse some failings, to commend their performances, to encourage their progress, to remove all difficulties out of their way, to bring them to love God and his service, lest they acquire a distaste for it before they know it. For the most part we see that Christ plants in young beginners a love which we call their `first love' (Rev. 2:4), to carry them through their profession with more delight, and does not expose them to crosses before they have gathered strength; as we bring on young plants and fence them from the weather until they be rooted. Mercy to others should move us to deny ourselves in our liberties oftentimes, in case of offending weak ones. It is the `little ones' that are offended (Matt. 18:6). The weakest are most ready to think themselves despised; therefore we should be most careful to give them satisfaction.

It would be a good contest amongst Christians, one to labour to give no offence, and the other to labour to take none. The best men are severe to themselves, tender over others. Yet people should not tire and wear out the patience of others: nor should the weaker so far demand moderation from others as to rely upon their indulgence and so to rest in their own infirmities, with danger to their own souls and scandal to the church.

Neither must they despise the gifts of God in others, which grace teaches to honor wheresoever they are found, but know their parts and place, and not undertake anything above their measure, which may make their persons and their case obnoxious to scorn. When blindness and boldness, ignorance and arrogance, weakness and willfulness, meet together in men, it renders them odious to God, burdensome in society, dangerous in their counsels, disturbers of better purposes, intractable and incapable of better direction, miserable in the issue. Where Christ shows his gracious power in weakness, he does it by letting men understand themselves so far as to breed humility, and magnify God's love to such as they are. He does it as a preservative against discouragements from weakness, to bring men into a less distance from grace, as an advantage to poverty of spirit, rather than greatness of condition and parts, which yield to corrupt nature fuel for pride. Christ refuses none for weakness of parts, that none should be discouraged, but accepts none for greatness, that none should be lifted up with that which is of so little reckoning with God. It is no great matter how dull the scholar be when Christ takes upon him to be the teacher, who, as he prescribes what to understand, so he gives understanding itself, even to the simplest.

Weak Christians are like glasses which are hurt with the least violent usage, but if gently handled will continue a long time. This honor of gentle use we are to give to the weaker vessels (1 Pet. 3:7), by which we shall both preserve them and likewise make them useful to the church and ourselves.

In diseased bodies, if all ill humours be purged out, you shall purge life and all away. Therefore, though God says that he will `refine them as silver is refined' (Zech. 13:9), yet he said he had `refined thee, but not with silver' (Isa. 48:10), that is, not so exactly as that no dross remains, for he has respect to our weakness. Perfect refining is for another world, for the world of the souls of perfect men.

Understanding Love

The Bible states, “Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:3). Love is one of the foundational principles of the Christian life. In fact, we can say that love is the foundation of Christianity. Without love, nothing else matters. We can give all that we have and in the end it means nothing if our labor does not come directly from the love of God.

Look at Matthew 22:

35 Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying,

36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?"

37 Jesus said to him, " 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'

38 "This is the first and great commandment.

39 "And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'

40 "On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."

If we take Jesus’ instruction to heart, living the Christian life is reduced down to two simple commands. Love God, and out of that love flows the love for our neighbor. If Christianity is so simple, why do people often fail to live out their faith? The love of God and human nature are contrary to each other. The Bible teaches that our human flesh is at war with God’s Spirit and His Spirit is at war against our flesh (Galatians 5). Human nature is self seeking, God’s love is self-giving. Human love ends when personal sacrifice with no hope of gain begins.

What is Love

The scripture uses several Greek words to describe love. The word philia means friendship and is often translated as love. God does not command us to show friendship because we naturally desire to have friends. The word ‘love’ that we are commanded to pursue is ‘agapao’, which means to actively care for or the act of loving. The word ‘agape’ is the love of God and means self-giving, sacrificial love.

Knowing the Greek words is not necessary, but understanding the biblical principles are. Only God has true, self-giving, sacrificial love. When we are in Him, His love flows through us and we actively love others. The love of God is in us and then we have a choice to act. Biblical love is an act, not an emotion. When we are loving God and allowing God to love others through us, we may find emotions and find happiness by touching the lives of others. However, the emotional feelings are not what drives love. There will be times when I don’t feel like loving God. There are times when I don’t feel like loving others. In Matthew 5, Jesus commanded, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”. We know up front that we will never feel like loving our enemies. The command is to actively love our enemies – not to just tolerate them and not to just try not to hate them. The commandment is ‘agapao’; the act of loving our enemies. To make sure the point is not missed, Jesus clarifies this statement with specific acts of love: bless, do good and pray for those who seek our harm.

The love of God is self-giving and is always active. We then are commanded to abide in God’s love and actively care for those God places before us. We are conduits of God’s love to the world. I am not capable of producing agape love. I am only capable of actively giving God’s agape love to the world around me. God demonstrated His love to us in that while we were sinners and enemies at war with God, we were reconciled by His grace through Jesus Christ. We are then called to realize that our enemies are just as we were and we demonstrate God’s agape love through our act of loving them.

Showing love is not only to our enemies, but anyone whom God places in our path. 1 John 3 says:

17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?

If we are not actively loving others, we cannot claim to have the love of God. The love God requires a willful choice to extend ourselves to others. Emotions may or may not play a role. If I don’t feel motivated, I have the God-given power to over-ride those emotions and do what is right. If the love of God abides in me, He will burden my heart to act even when I don’t have the motivation to do so. By my will I choose to love God and by my will I choose to love my neighbor.

Loving God

Let’s now take a deeper look at what it means to love God. The first principle we must understand is that we love God because He first loved us. God demonstrated His love toward us and we respond to Him by faith. When we see how God paid the penalty for our sins, we believe that He died for us and we receive the love of God by faith.

Romans 5:

5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die.

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

Once the love of God has been poured out into our hearts, we now have the right and the responsibility to choose to love God. Most Christians struggle because they lack the feelings and think this means they do not love God. People doubt when they don’t have strong emotions or feel warm and bubbly toward God. Many Christians are confused because we sing songs about being ‘happy all the time’ when we don’t feel happy all the time. When everyone thinks that everyone else is warm and bubbly, they put on the happy face and pretend to be the same. It is unfortunate that the church never teaches what is meant by loving God and that we are not on cloud nine every day. The church as a whole never takes people beyond the shallow emotions and into the deeper faith God has invited us to experience. It does not matter if you feel like shouting. Sometimes you may; sometimes you may not. People have different temperaments and different personalities. Some people get excited – some do not. Only the excited Christians are perceived as being spiritual and falsely so.

How many times have we heard preachers say that if you don’t feel like shouting you must be dead spiritually. Some people are like myself and are not shouters. The non-shouters are often more reflective and get lost in their focus on God during worship. If a reflective person tries to be a shouter, they would not be worshipping God but would be focused on what others are doing. Don’t waste time struggling to meet someone’s expectation on worship. The time is far better spent worshiping God within the personality He has given you by His design.

Even very godly men say that you must be willing to do things a certain way in order to worship. Recently I was in a service with a worship leader I admire and respect. However, I can’t agree with his statement that if someone doesn’t raise their hands, they were letting fear hinder worship. God has created each person with unique personalities and characters. The problem is that many people think that because God deals with them in a certain way that becomes the measurement of how God deals with everyone. The scripture is the only unshakable standard. God will always be consistent with His word but will also meet us on our level and deal with us uniquely according to how He has made us. If you feel like raising your hands to worship, you should worship this way even if it is not the way those around you think is proper. If you are reflective and get lost in worship but find that hand-raising is a distraction and it takes away from worship, don’t worry about raising your hands. Worship is a time of actively demonstrating our love to God, standing in His holy presence, and praising His name. It is a time between you and God alone. We meet as a body to worship but we focus on Him as individuals.

I bring all this up for one simple point: your emotional level in worship does not reflect your love for God. There are people who jump, shout and raise their hands, yet they do not have any true concept of loving God. There are people who jump, shout, and raise their hands that are truly expressing their love for God. There are people who sit quietly and never experience true worship and do not know anything about what it means to love God. Also, there are people who sit quietly and are experiencing deep worship and expressing to God their deep love for Him. The outward expression in worship does not reveal the inward love for God.

Expressing Love Toward God

Our lifestyle does reveal our love for God, but our emotions do not. Even though feelings are often generated by loving God, they are not the evidence of loving God. The Bible has given us very clear evidence for loving God. Jesus made it very simple when He said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments”. How many times have we heard people say, “I love God” and then justify living a life that is completely contrary to Him? Look at 1 John 2:

2 And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.

3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments.

4 He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.

6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

The Bible pulls no punches here. If someone says they know God and reject His commandments, the Bible says that person is a liar. However, the person who keeps God’s word has the love of God perfected in them. The true measurement for loving God is our obedience to His word. This is why the Bible says that all the commands of God and all the prophets of God hang on loving God and loving our neighbor. If we love God, we will imitate His character. The commandments of God are direct reflections of the character of God. The commandments of God are only a burden if we don’t love God. To try to keep God’s law by our own efforts is futile and to try keeping God’s commandments without loving God leads to complete frustration.

To grasp this concept all we need to do is look at the rest of life. If we want to develop a talent that we have, it must first be a passion. A football or baseball player spends hours practicing and developing the skills they need to perform. A piano or guitar player practices for hours to learn how to play. If someone has no interest in music, it becomes torment to practice learning a musical instrument. If someone does not like sports, it would be torment to practice each day. People who are successful work hard but they are pursuing what they love. The same is true in the Christian life. We are pursuing God because we love Him and we keep His commandments because they shape our character so that we become like Him. We are seeking to become what we want to become. Obedience must be out of a love for God or we will fail.

Look at 1 John 5:

1 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him.

2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments.

3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

The love of God is keeping His commandments and we keep His commandments because we love God. Are the commandments of God a burden? If they are, you may be pursuing religion but you are not in the love of God. His commands are a delight when our desire is to know God. You may not feel emotional, but you can know that you love God. We know we love God because we express our love for God by knowing His word and keeping His commandments.

Loving Others

Our love for God is expressed by loving those around us – especially other Christians. Jesus said, “by this all will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”. If God is in us and we are abiding in Him, we must love our brothers and sisters in Christ. God does not give us a choice and this is also the evidence that He is in our lives. Look at 1 John 4:

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.

10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

…

13 By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world.

15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.

16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

…

19 We love Him because He first loved us.

20 If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?

21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

God has said that if you say that you love Him but hate your brother, you are a liar, and if you have the love of God within you, you will love your brother in Christ. We have already seen that we are commanded to love our enemies, now God makes it clear that we also must express our love toward our fellow Christians. This passage above is filled with treasure. First we see the love of God express toward us and we believe it. This faith in Christ is the point of salvation. We confess Jesus Christ as Lord by faith and God gives us His Spirit. God is love and His Spirit within us is the love we express toward others through obedience to God. God’s agape love is within us by His Spirit and we express that love (agapao) by a willful act of obedience. Unless God’s Spirit dwells within us, we cannot have true love. The evidence of our relationship with God is our expression of love toward others. Those who refuse to love others and claim to know God is living are lie. They may believe they are in God, but He has given us a point of reference where we can examine our lives and see if we are truly walking with Him. If you cannot forgive and love, you are not walking with God. If you can’t love your brother who you can see with your eyes, then you have not seen the love of God expressed toward you. Human nature is selfish, but through obedience we express the selfless love of God.

How do we express God’s love toward others? Forgiveness is vital. If God forgave every sin I have ever committed and ever will commit, how can I justify holding a grudge against a wrong done to me? We express love through encouragement and building up each other. We express agapao by meeting a need that God has given us the power meet. We express love by comforting each other and teaching each other. Sharing the gospel with someone is an act of love. Even rebuke can be an act of love if it is done with the right heart.

If someone is living contrary to God’s will, it is our responsibility to lead them toward godliness. Often times this first requires bridge-building. It rarely does good to whack someone over the head with the ‘stick of truth’. This does not mean that you cannot be confrontational, but if you do not have a relationship with someone, they will not be receptive of criticism even if it is in love. If we have neglected God’s call to be involved in each others lives, what gives us the right to jump in the middle when we see something wrong? When the time for confrontation arises, our attitude must be an attitude of reconciliation and not condemnation. It is one thing to say, “You are wrong”, but quite another to say, “Look at what God has said is right”. Spiritual maturity and growth comes when the focus shifts from me to Christ. If we seek to reconcile someone to Christ, we must get the focus off the love of sin and onto the Savior.

Some go as far as to say that if we love, we cannot judge someone’s actions as sinful. This is unscriptural and if we think about it, it also lacks common sense. If someone is driving down a road in a fog and you know the bridge is out, which shows more love: to smile, wave, and say, “God will deal with them”; or to run to them to tell them that the road leads to destruction? The road of life has many such detours. The roads are decorated with signs that promise fulfillment and pleasure, but the end of the road is a pit. We are watchmen that point out the false promises and point to the true promises of God. We can’t stop someone from desiring the pitfall, but we can make it clear that the right path follows and imitates Christ.

Sometimes there will be disputes with fellow Christians and these disagreements can be destructive or constructive. We do not have to agree to love someone. There are many examples in scripture where disagreements were resolved constructively. Even the most mature Christian can get off course or lose focus on Jesus Christ. This is especially true in ministry. There is a fine line between serving Christ and serving the ministry. When the vision of serving God has been lost or those in ministry are divided, it creates tension. People disagree and conflicts usually arise, but if both sides follow God’s plan, reconciliation is always at the end of the conflict.

Agapao love is to give God’s agape love to another. We forgive, love and meet the needs of others. Look at 1 John 3:

17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?

18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

19 And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.

20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.

21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God.

22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.

23 And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.

Love is not words, but actions based on truth. When we abide in the truth of God’s word and act out His love in our lives toward others, we will have the confidence that we are in the truth and will be confident before Him. As we go, remember the words of 1 Corinthians 13:13

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Love is not selfish

I like the way the Amplified Bible puts it. "Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking;" This requires quite a bit of prayer and discernment. It's too easy to go too far in either direction.

When we have true, Christ-like love we won't worry about our rights, or privileges. We won't be thinking about what life owes us. Instead, we will think about our responsibilities towards others. We will be ready to help another to the best of our ability. However, we also need to use wisdom. We have a responsibility to God to keep our body healthy. We also have a responsibility to take care of our own home and family. If we get so busy helping others that we let any of those other responsibilities go, we will end up with so many troubles of our own that we will no longer be able to be of any help to anyone. At the same time, if God asks us to do something He will give us the strength to do it. That is why we need to pray and listen. We need to make sure we know what He is asking of us so that we don't go too far, or not far enough.

There's another area where not being selfish actually becomes being very selfish. There are those who are selfish and never give when there's a need for a gift of food, money, clothes, etc. Then there are those who push their gifts on others and in doing so, become selfish. When a gift is forced on someone it is not being given for the person getting the gift, it is being given for the good feelings it gives the giver of the gift. That is when it becomes a selfish act.

Love is not pushy, demanding, or inconsiderate. It thinks of the other person's feelings and needs. Love is ready to help and serve others, but not at the expense of harming someone in the process. True love goes to God in prayer and asks for His guidance. Then it listens, with an open heart and mind, for God's answer.

Again, the best examples we have of unselfish love is in the saving Grace of our Lord and Savior. We don't deserve it. We throw it in God's face every time we chose to ignore God and follow our own desires. Yet He continues to offer it to us, freely giving it whenever we ask.

Self Love

Yes, we need to respect ourselves—and care about the welfare of our souls—as part of the process of learning to love God; after all, persons who were mistreated as children will come up with all sorts of reasons to blame themselves and despise themselves for being unlovable. With a self-condemning psychological attitude like that, no one can appreciate God’s love for us all.

Yet it is just as important that respect for the self (or “self-love”) does not become its own psychological defense—the defense of narcissism—in which you seek your own self-interest at the expense of others.

Shrewd and Simple

When Christ sent His Apostles out to preach, He told them, “Be as shrewd as serpents and simple as doves” (Matthew 10:16).

Now, it’s relatively easy to be simple and gentle—even nice—because simpleness and gentleness are often learned in childhood as psychological defenses to cope with the instability and conflict of a dysfunctional family. But unless you have a certain shrewdness about the world, you can easily be seduced into doing things that seem simple yet are really sinful and evil. Only when simpleness is more than a defense and derives from a deep love of God, and when you have a shrewdness that derives from a desire to not do anything that defiles love, can you truly respect yourself and be truly loving.

Real Love

Real love, or true love, therefore, derives from divine love and is intimately related to love of neighbor. Remember that the two greatest commandments are these: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind,” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:34–40).

Read an excerpt from a treatise about love of God

by Saint Diadochus of Photice

Now, we love God because He created us to share in His love. God is love. He is not some deluded emperor who demands adoration from everyone around him to satisfy his inflated ego. Souls who love God don’t serve Him because He demands their obedience like an irrational parent; souls who love God love Him in love for the sake of love, and, through His grace, they become love. Therefore, to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind means that you will do anything it takes—pay any cost, endure any pain—to make love the sole purpose of your life.

Therefore, without loving God it’s impossible to love ourselves with anything more than narcissism or our neighbors with anything more than lust. Let’s look more closely at what love of self and love of neighbor really entail.

Self-Love

A good metaphor to help you understand your own personal value in the context of self-love comes from aviation.

If you have ever flown on a commercial airliner, you have heard the safety talks at the beginning of the flight. One talk concerns the oxygen masks, which will drop down from the overhead compartment in the event of a sudden decompression at altitude. In that talk, you are warned to put on your own mask before trying to assist someone else.

Do you know why? Well, at high altitudes there is very little oxygen in the air, and the brain can survive for only a few seconds without supplemental oxygen. So, in the time it takes to help someone else who is confused and struggling, you could both pass out and die. But if you put on your own mask immediately, you will have the oxygen you need to survive and think clearly, so you can be of real help to others.

The point here is that unless you take care of yourself first, you cannot be of any help to others.

To love yourself, therefore, means overcoming two self-defeating tendencies. Some persons will falter more on one point than the other, so be careful to note the differences between the following two points.

Self-condemnation

On the one hand, loving yourself requires that you stop condemning yourself psychologically—to stop believing that God wants to condemn you—and to start accepting that God desires your salvation. You may feel like garbage because of the way you were treated in childhood, but in God’s eyes you are not garbage. In love, God created you at your conception, and in love He calls you to Him always: “Though father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Psalm 27: 10). To accept your salvation all you have to do is place yourself in obedience to God, treating your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and treating your soul with ardent concern for its growth in purity by avoiding the defilement of inner evils:

From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.

— Mark 7:21-23

Self-blame

On the other hand, loving yourself requires that you stop blaming yourself for your past failures. No matter how often and in what way you have fallen into those inner evils—no matter how wretched you feel—all is not lost if only you learn from your past mistakes and trust in God’s infinite mercy.

Some persons, however, will unconsciously persist in trying to punish themselves for their failures even though they say, “Jesus, I trust in You!” dozens of times a day. Why? Well, all that self-punishment (or self-sabotage) is just a veiled attempt to hurt someone else—usually a parent—who failed you in some way, somehow leaving you feeling rejected, unloved, unwanted, or incompetent. If you are blind to this unconscious desire to hurt others, you will not be able to purify yourself from its effects, and it will poison your heart and kill off any love that might try to grow there.

Love of Neighbor

Considering what has just been said about self-love, to love your neighbor as yourself, therefore, means to treat your neighbor’s body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, to treat your neighbor’s soul with ardent concern for its salvation, and to stop blaming your neighbor for past mistakes.

Moreover, this dynamic of blame, whether it be enacted as self-punishment or as a desire to hurt your neighbor, leads to the topic of forgiveness.

Forgiveness

In regard to forgiveness, you cannot forgive yourself. Why? There are two reasons.

1.Even though self-destructive and self-sabotaging behavior may seem to be anger at the self, at its core it is an expression of anger at someone else, because of what that person did to you or failed to do for you. It’s as if you amplify the effects of the original injury and throw your dysfunction back into the face of the one who hurt you, in an attempt to force him to see how much he hurt you.[1] It may be unpleasant to admit it, but, in all truth, you use your disability unconsciously as a subtle form of revenge, which is itself a form of hate.[2] For the original wound to heal, it will be necessary to trust in God’s perfect justice, set aside your personal desire for satisfaction, and forgive, not yourself, but the person who hurt you in the first place.

2.When you engage in self-destructive behavior, you injure your own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. In this sense, through injury to His temple you injure God Himself. For healing to occur, it will be necessary to repent your behavior so that God can forgive you.

Thus your forgiveness begins in your forgiving others by loving them no matter what they do to you. Remember, Christ told us to love others as I have loved you. And how did He love us? He loved us even as we mocked, tortured, and killed Him. No matter what we did to Him, He did not hate us. Therefore, integral to love is the refusal to hate, and in so far as you persist in hating others and refuse to forgive them, God will not forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.

— Matthew 6:15

Think of it like an electrical circuit: neither love nor forgiveness can flow from God through you if you are not “grounded” in others.

Premature Forgiveness

So when you speak about the fact that “forgiving” others is easier than forgiving ourselves, you expose the psychological deception of “premature forgiveness.” Premature forgiveness isn’t really forgiveness at all; that’s why it’s so easy. It’s just a way to distract ourselves from our own pain by saying the politically correct words and doing the politically correct things as a pretense that we love others, when really our hearts are swollen with unspoken bitterness for what we have lost. It’s just an intellectual way of telling ourselves that everything is fine when really we haven’t felt the pain and brought it to God in heartfelt scrutiny and prayer.

Summary

So think about this. If we do not really believe that God created us to share in His love and that He calls us to repent all of our behavior that defiles love, then we don’t really love God. If we do not really love God, then we can’t really love ourselves. And if we can’t really love ourselves, then how can we love others as we love ourselves? And if we can’t really love others as we love ourselves, then how can we forgive others? And if we can’t forgive others, then we remain lost forever in the guilt of past mistakes. And if we are lost forever in the guilt of past mistakes, then we are in hell, where there is neither love of God, nor love of self, nor love of neighbor.

Clinical Counsels

1. If you believe that God despises you and that you are unlovable, then you don’t really love God.

You are blaming yourself for your parents’ inability to love you.

2.If you say you love God but engage in self-destructive behavior, then you don’t really love yourself.

You are using self-destruction (motivated by self-hatred) to satisfy your anger at others by punishing them unconsciously. But you can’t love yourself if you secretly hate yourself.

3.If you say you love yourself but aren’t concerned about the salvation of others, you don’t really love others.

You’re confusing self-indulgence with love and are using spirituality as an excuse for narcissism.

4.If you say you love others but continue to hold grudges against anyone, you don’t really forgive others.

You’re using premature forgiveness [3] as a tactic to convince yourself that you are loving when you really are filled with feelings of victimization.

5.If you say you love others but don’t find your own life meaningful, you don’t really love yourself.

You’re following the rules with intellectual perfectionism, not love.

Notes

1. Most often, this hatred is unconsciously directed at your parents. Whether your dysfunction be extreme—such as suicide, drug addiction, alcoholism, and personality disorders—or more subtle—such as perfectionism, chronic procrastination, or a lack of success in a career—it all has an unconscious intent of hating and hurting your parents (especially your father in regard to his lack of guidance, protection, or emotional involvement) by hating and hurting yourself. And, because this intent is unconscious, it can be maintained right into adulthood—even after your parents have died!

2. The spiritually negative emotion of hate does not necessarily mean a passionate loathing; it can just as well be a quiet, secret desire for harm to come upon someone or something. Hate can be a subtle thing, therefore, and it often is experienced more unconsciously than consciously. Consequently, it will often be very easy to deny that you feel any hatred for anyone at all.

Note also that hatred and anger are theologically synonymous. Christ Himself taught the crowds, “But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment” (Matthew 5:22). And Saint John the Evangelist reflected this sentiment when he said, in one of his letters, “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer” (1 John 3:15). The theological implication of these texts, therefore, is that any desire for harm to come to another person—whether through active loathing or through passive resentment—is, in its spiritual essence, an evil desire to remove the fullness of life (with its possibility of love and forgiveness) from that person.

3. This means that you’re still denying your unconscious anger and resentment, so even though you think you’ve come to terms with what happened, there are still emotions about the event which you have pushed out of awareness. In fact, many persons can get caught up in this premature forgiveness as a way to avoid coping with all the unpleasant emotions they would rather not examine.