How to control them?
Since we now know that we have feelings and that they can lead us, it is important that we know how to handle them.
If you know you have feelings that can lead you away from God's will, it is important that you do something with them, so that you can control them, before they will control you.
If I can and control my thoughts, I will be able to control my emotions. If my thoughts are in line with God's words, my feelings will follow.
2Co 10:4-5
4. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,
5. [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),(AMP)
If I manage to take thoughts captive in obedience to God, I will also be able to control my emotions!
If you think negative thoughts, what will your emotional response be? Negative. The feeling will follow a negative thought. If you think positive thoughts we get positive feelings, if you think negatively, negative emotions comes up.
If I think that I will not succeed every time I try one thing, I will have a sense of failure and despair. If I fear much, my feelings will follow after what I fear. If I am worried, I have feelings that are in the same direction. My thoughts will dictate the feelings that I have.
If you have negative emotions, think over what you have thought of in the past. And you will find the reason for your negative feelings.
Jesus had feelings, but his feelings never controlled him. If your thoughts are in line with God's word, will your emotions follow your thoughts.
Pro 16:32
32. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules his [own] spirit than he who takes a city.
Mind/spirit here refers to our feelings. So what he says is: He who can control his emotions is more powerful a man who takes a city!
If you can control your emotions, you are more powerful than an army that takes a city.
The opposite will happen if there a person that is controlled by his emotions. He is like a city that is consumed by an army.
Emotions and circumstances.
Many people is depressed and frustrated, and they are waiting all the time that the circumstances will change for them before they can feel and be happy.
They think: If I only get married, find a better job, a better place to live, if I only get a new car, win a million dollar in a lottery and so on, I will be happy.
Or they may think: I had been happy if I had not been married, or had children.
Many blame the circumstances and say that they are the reason why they are not glad or happy. The truth is that if you think so, you will never be happy, for there will always be some problems and bad circumstances that will try to come your way.
If you are struggling with a lot of depression and negative feelings, you need to do something with the way you think and speak, not your circumstances.
The truth is that circumstances will change if you’re thinking and speaking changes. If you think and say all the time: Nothing good will ever happen to me, I will always be a failure I will never succeed in this. I will never make it. Think about what these words are doing with your emotions. You have to change your thoughts and words, to change how you feel. You must start by saying: Something good will happen to me, for God is on my side. I lost this time, but God has something better for me.
If you do not feel it, say it anyway and you will see a change in the way you feel.
Let me also say that when you speak bad about yourself, like: I am unsuccessful, I never make it, I'm hopeless, I don’t want to live any longer, I hate myself etc. you are saying curses over yourself and you are reaping the negative feelings that can lead you to what you think and say. For as you think (and say) about your self, so are you.
Pro 23:7
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. (Amp). What he thinks is what he really is. (GNB)
The same happens if you say negative things about others, for example, if you say that I hate him and I wish he was dead, or I want to kill him. In the beginning you might not mean it, but because you say it and think it, your feelings start to move you to hate him even more, and in the worst scenario it can lead you to actually kill the person. By saying this you are also feeding the spirit of fear.
Here I work in Thailand there is a lot of spirit houses. A spirit house are small houses in front of the main house where they believe bad spirits lives, and if you feed them (sacrifice) to them, they will not make anything bad for you and protect you, but if you should forget, they can attack you and harm you. They are literally feeding the spirit of fear.
You might be a Christian, but if you say about someone that I wish he was dead or that I could kill him, you are also feeding and giving power to the spirit of fear, not only the spirit of fear, but also the spirit of murder and anger that will try to use your emotion to do what you say. The Bible says that life and death is in the power of the tongue.
Pro 18:21
21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it shall eat the fruit of it.
Look at this order of how words, feelings and actions are intertwined.
Words produce thoughts
Thoughts produces emotions
Emotions produce decisions
Decisions produce an action
Actions produce habits
Habits produce a character
A character produce your destiny
Two important truths that the Bible will tell you:
You can take control of your emotions by controlling what you are thinking.
Self-control is given by God so that you can walk in the plans God has for you.
A world controlled by feelings
The world we live in can not see the truth, and they will not teach that you can have control over your emotions.
There are many who say: I can not control my feelings, I'm just angry or I get so irritated that I can not stop to quarrel and beat my wife. Or I just have to think about sex, and I just have to take a look on the Internet, or find someone to sleep with for the night.
If you think so, it is very important to think about what you have been putting into your thoughts. It is a saying that says: Garbage in garbage out.
You can’t ask God to help you to not get irritated, gossip, argue, become bitter, depressed and so on, and also look at soap operas, reality shows or similar, several hours every day. You can not listen to music that has destructive, depressing or immoral texts, and believe that they do not have any effect on your emotions. You can not ask God to protect your mind against adultery, and go to the Internet or see movies with erotic or even the latest bikini shows.
There are many who do not think that what you see and hear each day will affect your feelings, so you need to be aware of what you see and hear in order for you to win victory, and have control over your emotions.
Paul says:
Php 4:6-9
6. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
7. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
There are many Christians who stop here. They share this scripture at meetings and for others, but then they go home and fill them selves with all the concern, anxiety and trash this world has to offer. And they wonder why they still feel worried and depressed.
It's something more in the next verses here that is very important:
8. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
9. Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
You have to fill your mind with something positive, if you will be able to start thinking positively and have good emotions. You can not fight against the negative thoughts by saying: I will not think negatively, I will not think about it, I will not think about it, etc. You must remove the negative thoughts with positive thinking.
Let me just say this, because here it is always someone who will not understand me, I am not saying that you can not see TV, movies, listen to secular music or watch news, and that you shall lock your selves in! This is again something religion is trying to say, but I do not say that! I say that if you fill your selves with things that are negative, and things that do not build you up, you will have big problems to be able to control your emotions.
I watch movies, series and news, etc. but I try to thing about how much time I spend on it and what I watch. You are probably wondering why I say news, is it wrong to look at the news now? Again, I say not that it is wrong, but I know that if I sit hour after hour and listening to or watching the news, which is mostly negative, they will affect me and my emotions. I will be more worried, I will be more depressed and frustrated, etc. The same with movies try to find movies that are not giving you many negative feelings or are immoral.
If you are struggling with fear, for example, stay away from horror movies. I would like to not recommend it all by the way. Fear is not entertainment for me, for I know what it is!
Another thing: You have a brain to use and you always have a choice, and you can at all times avoid choosing to follow your feelings, even if they are strong. For example, you must not look at porn; it is an off button on your PC.
Again, God is not angry or mad at you if you look at soap operas or reality shows every day, horror movies or even porn, but it will not cause any good fruits in your life, it will actually steal the life, and destroy your relationship with God and others. God wants you to feel good, but you will never feel his peace and joy if you want to go your own way, just do what you want and follow your emotions. You may think and believe that to follow what feels good now is OK, but further down the road comes fear and depression knocking at your door, and your peace and joy will be taken from you! Remember that he who created you knows what true joy is, and what he wants to give to you is the best. He will not only give you good things in heaven onetime, as many religious people believe, but here and now!
To experience the joy God has for us, it often means that we have to give up or go through something, and that is something I will talk about in the last chapter.
But first let us have a look at Jesus, and how he took control of his emotions, went through some difficult days and won the victory!
Jesus as our example!
There are perhaps many Christians, who think that if I have negative emotions, I am in sin, and I am in unbelief and then God can not help me. But to have negative feelings and emotions such as fear, timidity, depression, etc. is not a sin, but it is what they can lead you to that can be a sin.
Let us look at the emotions that Jesus had, and how he handled them. Jesus is our great example and he has also given us his spirit and power. If he could not be ruled by his feelings, so can we. Let us look at a scripture from Hebrews.
Heb.4: 15
15 For we have not an high priest which can not be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin.
(KJV)
Heb 4:15
For we do not have a high priest not being able to sympathize with our weaknesses but One having been tried in all respects according to our likeness, apart from sin.
(Amp.)
The English King James translation says: Touched with the feeling of our infirmities. So Jesus was tried in all the feelings that you may have or have had, and he also know what it means to be tempted in his feelings, but he never fell into sin.
He controlled his feelings and won over the temptations. Feelings did not control him, but he controlled his emotions.
The place where his emotions were most under attack was likely in the Gethsemane garden, the evening before he was crucified. When he was in the Gethsemane garden, just before the Pharisees came and cough him, he was under a very strong emotional pressure. And he said: If possible, take this cup from me. He actually said: If it is possible God, let me not die on the cross. This was his emotions speaking that tried to move him away from God's will. He knew he to faced death on a cross to save us, but he did not felt feel like doing it.
Mar 14:32-36
32. Then they went to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to His disciples, Sit down here while I pray.
33. And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed.
This is Jesus who is faced with feelings of anxiety, depression and terror.
Jesus could easily have gone from the garden and said that I will not hang on a tree, but he did not.
The devil will be happy to move your emotions away from God's will. Do not live by what you feel, but by God's word.
Many do not want to go in the church because they don’t feel like it. Some feel that they had a quarrel and that they do not feel love anymore, so they take out a divorce. How many times have the feeling leaded us out of God's will?
Maybe you are wondering why you are in the difficult situation you are in right now, it may simply be that your feelings have led you there. You have probably followed your feelings, and not the Word of God. This may be the reason for your difficulties.
34. And He said to them, My soul is exceedingly sad (overwhelmed with grief) so that it almost kills Me! Remain here and keep awake and be watching.
Because the emotional stress was so strong on Jesus, he began to sweat blood.
Jesus said actually to His disciples: I need help; my feelings are under heavy attack.
What he was about to encounter was incredibly tough, he knew he was to be beaten, spat on, whipped, crucified and tortured in addition to also go down to hell.
But what did Jesus do with his emotions?
35. And going a little farther, He fell on the ground and kept praying that if it were possible the [fatal] hour might pass from Him.
36. And He was saying, Abba, [which means] Father, everything is possible for You. Take away this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You [will]. (Amp)
Jesus did not let emotions decide what he should do; he did not let his emotions get in the way of God's will.
He knew it was God's will that he should be crucified, but his emotions were trying to move him away from that.
When you find that your emotions are taking control, ask yourself what is the devil want to do and move me away from? When the feeling want to take control of our choices, we must do as Jesus did. What did Jesus do?
1. He went forward.
You must continue in the same direction that you have started, regardless of how you feel.
2. The second was that he continued to pray.
He stopped not to pray.
Learn to talk to God when emotions are trying to take control and when you go through emotions.
When you feel fear, depression and so on, coming your way, talk to God about it, pray it through!
How you handle your emotions determine whether you will experience blessings or cursers in your life. The curse that Adam and Eva brought with them was to be emotionally ruled. Again: It does not mean that emotions are a curse, but we must ensure that they do not have us and lead us.
3. The last ting Jesus did was that he wanted to follow God's will regardless of what he felt. Decide to commit yourself to him, and to his will.
It is important when you are in an emotionally difficult situation to know what the will of God is, and choose it! The decision you take to not just follow your feelings, but the will of God, can be very crucial for your life.
An important advice:
Do not make decisions when you have a lot of emotions, especially if you don’t know what the will of God is! Let the emotions calm down first, and go to God and seek him about his will.
to surrender completely to God, or give up everything for him?
Heb 12:1-3
1. THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
2. Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. [Ps. 110:1.]
3. Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.
Some people are only focused on what they will get when they come to heaven one day, and that everything will be good then, and it will be, but God wants us to have a life down here also. If we do not experience this life, we can not give life to others, either. God has put us on this planet for a purpose, and it was to tell the good news. If we go around depressed, sick, with timidity, etc. what kind of message do we send to this world?
In verse two in Hebrews it says: He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame. When I read this sentence before I thought it was only talking about heaven. I thought: Down here on earth I will only have sorrow and pain, and when I go to heaven one day I can be happy. This is a religious way of thinking witch says that we will only achieve joy in heaven one time. Let me take you to a scripture which many people have not understood.
Joh 16:22
22. So for the present you are also in sorrow (in distress and depressed); but I will see you again and [then] your hearts will rejoice, and no one can take from you your joy (gladness, delight).
What does Jesus mean when he says: You have sorrow now? Did he say; as long as you are here on this earth? Was it heaven Jesus was talking about when he said that he will see them again?
Many Christians believe this, but I do not think so. Jesus says this in connection with his death and resurrection; this was the night before he was crucified. The disciples did not know what Jesus really was about to do for mankind, but when they saw him raised from the dead they knew it, and this was the joy he was talking about. So the joy that Jesus talked about was not in heaven one time, but in the near future for his disciples and also for us today when we really understand what Jesus did for us.
If you also understand how much God loves you, and what he has done for you, you will also have a joy that no one can take from you.
I am a missionary, and I know that many people have a picture of being a real missionary is to forsake or give up everything, and not expect anything back here on earth. I know of missionaries who can not treat themselves a small vacation, or any good things, because if they do they don’t feel so spiritual or they feel very guilty. For a good missionary must suffer.
Many people read this scripture and think that we will only get our reward in heaven.
Mat 19:29
29. And anyone and everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for My name's sake will receive many [even a hundred] times more and will inherit eternal life.
But it is important to read the Bible in its context, for if you read about the same story in Mark it says something more:
Mar 10:29-30
29. Jesus said, Truly I tell you, there is no one who has given up and left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for My sake and for the Gospel's
30. Who will not receive a hundred times as much now in this time--houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions--and in the age to come, eternal life.
Did you notice what Markus adds? It is: hundred times as much now in this time. Not when we get to heaven one time, but here in this time, we will get hundred times!
As I have said; I am a missionary, and there are things I gave up to be that. I like winter sports, for example, and I like to go skiing. I also like to see winter sports on TV, but I am far away from snow and cold here I am now. As I write this, it is almost 40 degrees outside, and ski is certainly not Thailand’s favorite sport.
I have also given up many friends as it has been difficult to keep in touch with them out here. I have sacrificed my job, my family, Norwegian food, snow, house, mild climate, etc.
I also gave up having it pleasant in Norway in many ways. But does it mean that I don’t thrive, are often depressed, have almost no food for myself, living in bamboo hut in 40 degrees on a rice field and have often malaria and other tropical diseases?
I am not saying that it can not at all be difficult, and that I am never sick, etc. But I am not a sad, suffering, depressed, defeated and homesick missionary.
For God has given me something back for what I have sacrificed, such as: Good food, prices that are ¼ of the Norwegian, loyal friends who appreciate me, a job I love, good beaches, beautiful nature, a private house I rent cheap and I enjoy being out here, here where God has put me right now! Let me also add that you will also get problems, and that is a promise too. We will get persecution, in other words; problems.
It is a joy set before us!
As we have seen, the Bible says that we must give up things for God, and it can often mean that we must go through a difficult time, like it was for me when I first took the decision to go to Thailand, I was both sick and had very little money. But often, we focus on how difficult it would be to give up things, and not for the joy that waits for us. We might have been good to tell about everything it will cost to follow Jesus in Norway, and in some places, and forgot that it also is a joy to win here in this time. Maybe that is why it has been easier to follow what we feel, than to follow what God has commanded us to do?
Your sin might have brought you into the situation you are in right now, and you know what God has said to do, but all your feelings strongly oppose it. It might be that you have a girlfriend or boyfriend who is not a Christian and that you have a sexual relationship with. You know how painful it will be to break this relationship, so your emotions don’t want to let go of this relationship. The reason that you are not able to give it up, is simply that you do not completely trust in and believe that there is a joy on the other side, when you have gone through, and that God can actually give you something that is much, much better. If you are able to focus on this, you can also go through the suffering that you will meet. It is this Heb 12:1-4 is talking about.
I also want to talk more about what it really is talking about here in Hebrews chapter 12. This chapter is actually about sin, and that sin is often something that keeps us from going forward, and it's about how we can resist it, and how God trains us, in relation to resist sin. Often when we train people to not sin or to do something wrong. In our society, we often focus on the law and the negative consequences of breaking it. We use this as motivation to not sin or to do something wrong, but does the Bible say here in Hebrews? It is actually saying that we should focus on the joy set before us, not the punishment. It is a fact that there is a joy that waits us when we resist and do not sin.
To achieve the joy that was set before him, he suffered the cross patiently. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.
You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin:
The best motivation to not sinning is actually to focus on the joy that we get when we resist and do not sin. Again there is a religious mindset that many have, and that says that this is about the joy we will get in heaven one time, but if you read the whole context you will see that it is not. Often the suffering we must go through, to resist sin, is short and on the other side there is a joy and peace that are waiting for us.
Heb 12:10-11
10. For [our earthly fathers] disciplined us for only a short period of time and chastised us as seemed proper and good to them; but He disciplines us for our certain good, that we may become sharers in His own holiness.
11. For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God].
To overcome things in our life, such as sin habits, weakness etc, can often be painful. If you have experienced as me, much rejection, you must first meet the fear, and go through it before you can conquer it and become free on the other side. Often we can feel that nothing is happening, so we are dismayed and give up. To be free, and achieve the joy that God has for you, you have an important role to play.
Your freedom and joy comes not only by just wishing for it, or as a miracle that just falls down on you. You must make a choice whether to believe that God has the best for you, stick to it and not give up! Do not be tired and dismayed and say: This will never happen to me. Even if you do not feel for it, decide to say: God has something great for me; he has good plans for my life! I feel it not, but this is what I know is the truth! Do this every time you are tempted to become depressed and give up.
Everything do not happen instantly
Today we have been trained that everything will come instant to us. We want everything to come to us when we want it and in our way, and we would like to follow what feels good here and now. But this is the devil's seductive lies and strategy. For often we need to go through things in order to achieve the joy that waits us, and we must learn to trust him in the difficult times.
Surrender your way to God
Until very recently I had difficulties to understand what it meant when we talk about surrender your plans and dreams to God, or relinquish our rights to God and forsake everything. I thought it was about to forget or to put away all the dreams and visions I had. I was also afraid that when I gave everything to God, I would not experience any joy before I came to heaven. I might not have thought like that, but I felt that it was so. Although I knew with my mind it was not so, I actually almost felt this until very recently.
When I prepared this teaching I asked God again: What does it really mean to surrender everything to you, I know it does not mean to put away my dreams, but what does it mean? I felt very clearly he said to me: It simply means to trust me. When we put our lives, our dreams and hopes in he's hands, we choose to rely on him. We trust in him that he will fulfill our dreams, visions, prayers, hope, etc. in his own way and in our proper time.
Psa 37:4-5
4. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.
5. Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. (The emphasis is mine)(Apm.)
We want so many times to make things happen our way, when we feel like it should happen. We want to be our own masters and fulfill our own dreams on our conditions. But when we do not trust in God, we lose the joy and are frustrated and the result will be that we find our dreams and hopes not being fulfilled.
The process of surrender everything to God is, as mentioned, often not so comfortable for our feelings, but we will reap a greater joy, if we let God do things His own way and when we don’t give up!
Encouragements in the end!
Do not be afraid of what kind of plans God has for your life. Do not be afraid that if you follow what God has for you, that the best thing will not happen for you! You will succeed and have joy when you put all your plans in the hands of God and trust Him (Feel free to read again Psalm 37:1-7).
Do not look at your own capabilities and abilities and how you feel about your selves, but trust God. Fear not, only believe.
Learn to seek God's will, have the wisdom, and do not follow after your feelings. Remember that the emotions should follow you, not the opposite.
Remember that God has given you the power to control your emotions (2Tim 1:7). Do not let this world tell you otherwise! If it does, it is a lie!
