Seeking approval of others and listening to the opinions that don’t resonate with you is detrimental to your happiness. People who ignore their own intuition and instead choose to act on the advice of other people never find their true calling.
This happens because other people do not know your deepest needs and desires so they cannot help you find your life’s purpose.
We are taught to seek approval
Almost everyone seeks approval of others, mainly because we were trained to do so since our childhood. That’s what all educational systems and many other institutions and traditions teach us.
If we behave well, our parents are happy with us. If we do what our teachers tell us to, we are rewarded with good grades. If at work we do our best, the managers are happy with us. Everything seems to be based on the obedience model.
So when there is no defined model to follow, it seems like something is missing. And we automatically start seeking approval to check if we are doing everything okay. We find “gurus” and other intelligent people and seek their approval. But you should realise that you should only seek your own approval and disregard what others think of what you should or should not do.
Trust your inner guidance
If you listen to others, you will lose your own sense of direction. I have never met a happy person who, against his own will, followed the suggestions of his parents. Even people who wish you best don’t know you to the degree that they would be able to advise you of which direction to take.
If you blindly follow others, you will not be happy. However, if you ignore the criticism and do what feels right to you, you will reveal your true personality and therefore your personality will become magnetic. People will seek you out and you will always be surrounded by those who respect you.
I cannot say that this is easy to do, because it’s not. If you live in US, you have more space for self-expression without someone criticizing you. I live in UK and in Europe in general we have a longer history of oppression and strict regimes. Therefore it is still quite hard for people to express themselves completely without someone disapproving.
The more unique you are, the more disapproval you will receive
What I’ve noticed is that those people who have never travelled outside their own countries (or even towns!) are the most close-minded and will try their best to “save” you from making “wrong decisions”. When you try to live the way you want, this will not appeal to some of the people who are obedient servants to their bosses, churches or other organisations. They will not only explain to you why you are making mistakes, but they will also talk behind your back in an attempt to let others know about your insanity.
If you firstly try to consciously disregard such critics, it will be hard. But with time, it will be increasingly easier to not care what others think about your choices till you completely free yourself from the approval-seeking mode and become a truly unique and amazing individual with magnetic personality.
Here are some of the not-so-ordinary things I do (or done) that some people disapprove of:
I love travelling alone to the countries I’ve never been before
I am vegetarian (people are surprised by that all the time, the most common remark I get is “But it is so limited as to what you can eat” – which is not true)
I am workaholic
I take my laptop everywhere with me (I get criticised for this too:)
I travel abroad 3-4 times in a year
I meditate (some think that it’s a waste of time, but only those who have never tried that)
I don’t watch TV, I don’t read newspapers and I am definitely not interested in what is happening in politics (that is truly shocking for some)
I never talk about others behind their backs and if someone starts talking about another person in my company, I become completely silent (that shocks people and some think that I am unfriendly because of this)
And many, many more other “extraordinary” things I do…
Now consider if I would stop doing all of the above. Will I be really me? No, of course not. I will be like all the other “normal” people, watching news every night, being scared not to be seen as different form others, gaining friends by finding a mutual enemy, etc.
Now list the things that you do that others consider strange.
I will wait right here. Once your list is done, continue reading.
If your list is short, then it means that you still suppress your individuality. If this is the case, you probably see no purpose in life or you just cannot find your true self. You may feel completely alone, although you may have many friends. These are all tell-tale signs of living an approval-seeking, obedient life.
How to find your true self
You can find who you really are in small unique personality traits that others rarely have. If you suppress those, you will suppress yourself from fuller expression which gives happiness and richness to your life.
If your list is short, every week from now, add at least one activity that you always wanted to do or the character trait that you always wanted to develop, but did not because of an “what others will think of me” excuse.
When you reveal your true self to the world, you will definitely get your share of criticism. But the people who criticize you are the most inhibited, poor souls that fear to express themselves. So the only thing that they can do to release their suppressed anger is to criticize those who freely express themselves.
I think a great example of a person who truly found himself is Tim Ferris. He is really living the life of his own design and he breaks the rules of the “normal” world every day. He is a true teacher of unconventional living.
I also think that psychics and other people of uncommon occupations are extremely courageous and creative individuals who are not afraid of what others might think of them.
Once you find your true self, you will be surprised how quickly happiness will find you. When you find who you really are inside, the happiness outside will come in no time.
Conclusion
It is easier to listen to others than yourself, purely because of an old-habit of approval-seeking. But with practice of listening to the inner voice only, you will start finding it hard to do what others tell you to. Now that’s the spirit you should reach for, because it contains a key to your freedom and your life’s purpose.
This happens because other people do not know your deepest needs and desires so they cannot help you find your life’s purpose.
We are taught to seek approval
Almost everyone seeks approval of others, mainly because we were trained to do so since our childhood. That’s what all educational systems and many other institutions and traditions teach us.
If we behave well, our parents are happy with us. If we do what our teachers tell us to, we are rewarded with good grades. If at work we do our best, the managers are happy with us. Everything seems to be based on the obedience model.
So when there is no defined model to follow, it seems like something is missing. And we automatically start seeking approval to check if we are doing everything okay. We find “gurus” and other intelligent people and seek their approval. But you should realise that you should only seek your own approval and disregard what others think of what you should or should not do.
Trust your inner guidance
If you listen to others, you will lose your own sense of direction. I have never met a happy person who, against his own will, followed the suggestions of his parents. Even people who wish you best don’t know you to the degree that they would be able to advise you of which direction to take.
If you blindly follow others, you will not be happy. However, if you ignore the criticism and do what feels right to you, you will reveal your true personality and therefore your personality will become magnetic. People will seek you out and you will always be surrounded by those who respect you.
I cannot say that this is easy to do, because it’s not. If you live in US, you have more space for self-expression without someone criticizing you. I live in UK and in Europe in general we have a longer history of oppression and strict regimes. Therefore it is still quite hard for people to express themselves completely without someone disapproving.
The more unique you are, the more disapproval you will receive
What I’ve noticed is that those people who have never travelled outside their own countries (or even towns!) are the most close-minded and will try their best to “save” you from making “wrong decisions”. When you try to live the way you want, this will not appeal to some of the people who are obedient servants to their bosses, churches or other organisations. They will not only explain to you why you are making mistakes, but they will also talk behind your back in an attempt to let others know about your insanity.
If you firstly try to consciously disregard such critics, it will be hard. But with time, it will be increasingly easier to not care what others think about your choices till you completely free yourself from the approval-seeking mode and become a truly unique and amazing individual with magnetic personality.
Here are some of the not-so-ordinary things I do (or done) that some people disapprove of:
I love travelling alone to the countries I’ve never been before
I am vegetarian (people are surprised by that all the time, the most common remark I get is “But it is so limited as to what you can eat” – which is not true)
I am workaholic
I take my laptop everywhere with me (I get criticised for this too:)
I travel abroad 3-4 times in a year
I meditate (some think that it’s a waste of time, but only those who have never tried that)
I don’t watch TV, I don’t read newspapers and I am definitely not interested in what is happening in politics (that is truly shocking for some)
I never talk about others behind their backs and if someone starts talking about another person in my company, I become completely silent (that shocks people and some think that I am unfriendly because of this)
And many, many more other “extraordinary” things I do…
Now consider if I would stop doing all of the above. Will I be really me? No, of course not. I will be like all the other “normal” people, watching news every night, being scared not to be seen as different form others, gaining friends by finding a mutual enemy, etc.
Now list the things that you do that others consider strange.
I will wait right here. Once your list is done, continue reading.
If your list is short, then it means that you still suppress your individuality. If this is the case, you probably see no purpose in life or you just cannot find your true self. You may feel completely alone, although you may have many friends. These are all tell-tale signs of living an approval-seeking, obedient life.
How to find your true self
You can find who you really are in small unique personality traits that others rarely have. If you suppress those, you will suppress yourself from fuller expression which gives happiness and richness to your life.
If your list is short, every week from now, add at least one activity that you always wanted to do or the character trait that you always wanted to develop, but did not because of an “what others will think of me” excuse.
When you reveal your true self to the world, you will definitely get your share of criticism. But the people who criticize you are the most inhibited, poor souls that fear to express themselves. So the only thing that they can do to release their suppressed anger is to criticize those who freely express themselves.
I think a great example of a person who truly found himself is Tim Ferris. He is really living the life of his own design and he breaks the rules of the “normal” world every day. He is a true teacher of unconventional living.
I also think that psychics and other people of uncommon occupations are extremely courageous and creative individuals who are not afraid of what others might think of them.
Once you find your true self, you will be surprised how quickly happiness will find you. When you find who you really are inside, the happiness outside will come in no time.
Conclusion
It is easier to listen to others than yourself, purely because of an old-habit of approval-seeking. But with practice of listening to the inner voice only, you will start finding it hard to do what others tell you to. Now that’s the spirit you should reach for, because it contains a key to your freedom and your life’s purpose.
